Traditionally wedding speeches play a huge role in the wedding day. These are usually looked forward to with great anticipation by the guests, whilst potentially filling the designated speakers with dread! If you are starting to think about the wedding speeches and wondering who does wedding speeches and in what order we’re here to help.
Wedding speeches in order
There are traditionally three main speakers. The order of the key wedding speeches is as follows:
- Father of the bride
- Groom
- Best man
In recent years, some couples have moved away from traditional formats, and there are no hard and fast rules as to who does wedding speeches. You may choose to take a more relaxed or unusual format. Additional speakers may also include the bride, bridesmaid/maid of honour or other important guests.
It’s your day, so you can tweak the order of the wedding speeches and who does wedding speeches to reflect you as a couple.
If you are one of the lucky guests giving a speech, planning ahead and knowing the do’s and don’ts of your wedding speech will make your life considerably less stressful in the run up to the big day.
Who manages the wedding speeches on the day?
To facilitate the speeches smoothly and efficiently and to avoid any messy gaps, there are a few options for your wedding day.
You may wish to appoint a trusted and appropriate guest to manage the introduction and announcement of the wedding speeches. Ensure that the appointee is confident in public speaking or has had experience in such a role previously. This will help smooth the transition between speeches considerably. Alternatively, depending on your venue, there may be a representative who manages this for you.
You may also consider employing a master of ceremonies (MC) for the day. An MC will ensure timings run smoothly and run to plan throughout your day. They will also offer some flair to proceedings.
Finally, ensure all speech makers know the order and are familiar with the plan beforehand. This will help to avoid any untimely toilet breaks and awkward handovers!
Who does the wedding speeches and what should they include?
Father of the bride
The father of the bride would traditionally give the first speech as in days gone by, they would usually be the ones to host the wedding.
- Wedding speeches in order: First
- Key points:
- Welcomes the guests and thanks them for attending
- Welcome the groom to the family with warmth, recalling first impressions and early relationship nerves
- Mention the key people in the brides life, giving a voice to those who wont be speaking
- Tell stories from the brides childhood and growing up i.e. ambitions, driving lessons, memorable moments
- Toast to absent friends
- Remember:
- Keep it entertaining and formal
- Don’t make it a dry list of thank yous and don’t go overboard on praise for your daughter
- Don’t make it too long (there’s at least two more speeches to go!). 6-8 minutes is fine.
The Groom
The main man himself. A good start to the groom speech is to thank the father of the bride for his speech and the bride’s family for welcoming you. Don’t forget to compliment your new bride on how beautiful she looks.
- Wedding speeches in order: Second
- Key points:
- Thank the guests for attending and for their gifts
- Thank you and presentation of gifts to key members of the wedding party including the parents of the bride and groom, best men and groomsman, maid of honour and bridesmaids
- Thank both sets of parents and toast the brides parents if they are hosting
- Recall your story – how you met, what were your first impressions, what was the first date like, what you fell in love with (keep it to the point and don’t waffle)
- Sprinkle the speech with humour and don’t make it too sentimental
- Finish with how lucky you are and how much you love your new wife before a final toast (and perhaps add in not to trust a word the best man says about you!)
- Remember:
- Don’t forget the toasts and thank yous
- Don’t go overboard with the superlatives amazing, beautiful, fantastic. Remember less is more to give the compliments greater impact
Best Man
This is the big one and finishes off the three main speeches. There is a lot of pressure for the best man to be funny and entertaining, so don’t forget to add in some great best man jokes.
- Wedding speeches in order: Third
- Key points:
- Follow the grooms toast by thanking the bridesmaids and complimenting the bride
- Compliment the couple
- Tell anecdotes and stories about the groom. Don’t let the groom off lightly, but also bear in mind the audience i.e. humiliation without being X-rated
- Keep it simple and don’t try too hard. Use the tried and tested format: ice-breaker, introduction, main stories and laughs, serious heartfelt points and final toast
- Get your timings right – not too short (under 5 minutes) so it feels you haven’t done the groom justice and not too long (over 10 minutes) so guests start to lose attention. Between 6-10 minutes is fine. Checkout our guide to writing a best man speech here.
- Remember:
- We’ll say it again – remember your audience. Think how the groom’s gran would receive the jokes. If it’s likely to be stony silence, tone them down a bit.
- Don’t let one period of the grooms life (i.e. adolescence or university) dominate the whole speech. Also don’t go overboard on ‘in jokes’ that no one else will understand.
- Don’t mention the ex. Previous girlfriends are a big no no. By all means roast the groom on his lack of success with the ladies, but don’t mention it if he’s had considerable luck. The bride WILL NOT appreciate this.
- Don’t be too harsh. Mild humiliation and lots of laughs – yes. Hang your head in shame humiliation – no. He is your best friend after all.
Find out what other best man duties to expect and how to write a great best man speech in 11 easy steps.
Additional wedding speeches
Some weddings don’t just stick to the traditional format of the three aforementioned speeches. Additional wedding speeches may also include those from the bride and the maid of honour or bridesmaids.
If you are thinking of mixing it up with some of these, here’s what you should include:
Bride
It is the bride’s big day as well after all! As the star of the show, some brides will want to contribute. As with the other speeches, this should be planned and written well in advance and should combine some of the groom’s duties so that you aren’t repeating yourselves.
- Key points:
- Thank you to guests for attending
- Thank her parents, especially if they have contributed financially to the day
- Thanks and a toast to the bridesmaids and maid of honour
- Compliments and a funny/romantic story about the groom
- Raise a toast
Maid of honour/bridesmaids
Why let the men have all the fun? The bridesmaids and/or the maid of honour probably know the bride better than anyone so can offer a great addition to the speech line-up. In the order of wedding speeches, this would normally be before the best man speech and may include some similar funny anecdotes about the bride, divvying up the speech between them.
- Key points:
- Thanks to the bride with an anecdote or compliment
- Compliment the ushers and best man with a toast
- A toast to the happy couple
When is the best time for your wedding speeches
Traditionally wedding speeches may take place after the wedding dinner (often known as the wedding breakfast in the UK or evening reception in the US.) However, many couples are choosing to mix this up and opting for speeches before the meal or a speech between each course.
This will depend on the running order of the day, and you may wish to check this with your catering/venue. Long speeches may mean that the food is forced to wait so iron out your itinerary in advance to work out the best time.
Top tip: In our opinion, speeches before food works well and allows the speakers to enjoy their meals afterwards. With speeches after, the public speaking nerves will often mean the speakers are tense and so won’t enjoy the delicious wedding catering you have forked out for.
Top tips for your wedding speeches
- Make it clear when the toasts and speeches have come to an end so guests can relax and chat. As the last speaker this could be something for the best man to announce.
- For smooth transitions (if you don’t have a master of ceremonies), the speaker should introduce the next speaker after them i.e. the father of the bride should welcome the groom to speak
- Ask the speakers to cross reference any jokes or stories so there are no repeats and tweak the speeches accordingly
- Practice and practice again. Speak slowly, don’t rush it and if you think it’ll help – take a site visit to the venue beforehand to familiarise yourself with the layout of where you will be speaking
Good luck with your speech and make sure you enjoy the occasion!
