Congratulations, you’ve been picked to be best man! But what does the best man actually do, how do you structure a best man speech and what should you include?
Hold on tight gentleman and read our top tips on writing the ultimate best man’s speech to cement your legendary status to the other guests.
Setting the scene
So picture this. Your best mates wedding is closing in and you’ve been asked to be best man. You’ve already organised an epic stag do. Now the big day is approaching and it’s time to think about writing the best mans speech.
Congratulations and good luck. The best man speech is often the highlight of the three main speeches (father of the bride, groom and then best man.) Whilst the others will feature a degree of comedy, they are largely devoted to the bride and history of the couple.
The best man speech however needs to be funny, entertaining, and worthy of your best pal.
All eyes will be on you to deliver a good one that is fitting of the groom to send him into married life in style.
But don’t stress, with our top tips on how to write your best man speech you’ll breeze through it. Hold tight and get that pen and paper at the ready!
1. Write down initial ideas of what to say
First up try and get some ideas down on paper of things that stand out about the groom and/or your relationship to each other.
Are there any particular stories that stand out about the groom and are worthy of the best man speech?
Consider how long you’ve known each other, the background to your relationship and whether there are any major (or funny) slip ups he’s made over the years.
How has he changed since he met the bride (keep this positive with a mention of how he’s punching above his weight!).
Draft some ideas that you think will be promising. This will act as a framework to tie your speech around. Think about how you will structure the best man speech working from your introduction (and ice breaker), through to the main anecdotes and stories, serious heartfelt points (if any!), toasts, and then finally how you will close the speech.
Do a read through, check the timings and how it flows then tweak as you see fit.
If you have a trustworthy partner or friend, take advantage, and use them as a sounding board for your ideas. They will be your reference to determine if they work well or are inappropriate.
When planning your main content, don’t forget to consult other friends and relatives for great stories and anecdotes about the groom that you could include.
2. Consider the audience
So you want to give the groom a good ribbing, but is that story about Amsterdam, the stag do or the festival and the nefarious activities you got up to fitting?
Consider the bride and grooms parents and close family will be there. Bear in mind the whole audience for the best man speech and determine your stories and jokes appropriately. Think more PG-13 than X-rated.
Don’t kill all the fun from your speech but judge the content wisely so the audience don’t become too uncomfortable.
Remember to never reference previous girlfriends/relationships of the groom or over emphasise if he has had a lot of luck with the ladies previously (no bride wants to hear too much about his previous girlfriends.)
But if he hasn’t go for it – in a nice way (and not too crude way of course)!
Your best man speech hasn’t got to be a laugh a minute, and don’t let the groom off, but ride that knife edge wisely.
The key to a good best man’s speech is to teeter close to the edge of acceptable mick taking without falling off it. Think a punch in the arm, rather than a karate kick to the face.
You’ve got this!
3. Research
If you are adept at writing speeches or speaking to a crowd, then you may be quite comfortable coming up with a suitable best man speech straight off the bat.
On the other hand, if you’re struggling or need some inspiration, do your research online for some introductory best man jokes and structure for the best man speech.
Be careful not to copy too much from what you find online however. We have attended weddings and heard the same icebreakers and jokes on 2 or 3 consecutive occasions. This is an easy way to undermine the integrity of your speech.
Used sparingly, a few key one liners and jokes taken from the web can be useful as good icebreakers to work into the speech or to bookend the start and finish.
These can be a handy addition to a funny and entertaining best man’s speech.
4. Speak to the room and make eye contact
Don’t be the best man that has his eyes pinned down to a crumpled sheet of A4 for the whole speech mumbling his way through. This won’t do yourself or the groom justice.
Unless you have experience in public speaking it will undoubtedly be nerve wracking (fingers crossed the wedding speeches are before the food so you can enjoy it!)
Methods of reducing anxiety can be to familiarise yourself with the venue (this could be worth a timely visit beforehand.) Practise reading and performing it all the way through and be confident. Again, take advantage of your confidant here.
Most importantly, remember to speak slowly and clearly.
Leave pauses at the right times for laughter and enjoy your moment in the limelight. Once the best man speech is complete, you are home free! Check out these tips to improve your public speaking.
5. Practice makes perfect
Following on from above, sometimes aspects of a speech or public performance will look great on paper but when read out loud don’t flow properly.
Sentences might be too long. There might not be sufficient pauses, or your main points may not come across as well as you would like.
Test these out a few times yourself (this will also memorise aspects, so you won’t have to constantly refer to notes.)
It goes without saying that you should keep the groom out of the loop on any practice runs so he doesn’t know what’s in store for the big day!
6. Lay off the booze before the best man’s speech until the job is done
So, the big day has arrived, and your best man duties are in full swing.
A couple of drinks may help to calm your nerves, but make sure you don’t overdo the Dutch courage before the best man speech.
Our analogy is to picture yourself playing pool – a couple of drinks and you are relaxed and potting everything. A couple more and you can’t hit a barn door!
Although the drinks may start flowing after the ceremony has taken place, practice a bit of self-control until the deed is done.
Once this is out of the way it’s party time, so hold fast. Then enjoy yourself, safe in the knowledge you’ve given it your best shot and delivered the perfect best man speech.
7. No insults, politics, derogatory jokes (about others than the groom)
What is the golden rule to avoid speaking about with others in polite company? Politics and religion.
Extend this rule to your best man speech by making no insults or derogatory jokes (about anyone other than the groom of course.)
Stay classy and this will reflect on you.
8. No ‘in jokes’ in the best man speech
The chances are you and the groom go back a long way. Close groups of friends have usually got ‘in jokes’.
These could be film quotes you spout out in given situations or funny references from times gone by. The chances are you and the groom are no different.
Be aware not to sprinkle these into your speech too much, if at all.
These are best reserved for time with your pals. Too many in jokes runs the risk of leaving the rest of the guests puzzled and inadvertently alienating them from parts of the speech.
Tailor your best man speech for the whole audience to enjoy and you shouldn’t go too far wrong in delivering a great best man speech.
9. Read the room
Is your speech going on too long?
Are guests starting to fidget or are you not getting the laughs when you had expected?
Are there a few awkward sighs from the joke we told you not to put in?
Get a feel for the room and deliver your speech accordingly. Remember to add a few toasts (these are always a winner.)
How long should your best man speech be? Aim for the speech to be between 6-10 minutes long. Much longer and the room may start to lose attention.
10. Obligatory mentions and compliments
Every wedding speech should involve the obligatory mentions of those involved. These include the bride, the parents (if you know them well, if not don’t worry), the groom (obviously), a mention of the groomsman (thanks for your assistance today gentleman) and maids of honour (how lovely they all look.)
Sprinkle these into the best man speech to get the room on your side and take the opportunity to pay some genuine kudos to the special ones who’ve played a large part in your best friends’ day. In between ripping him to shreds of course!
11. Know how to finish
Finish it off with a bang, a big joke, a toast and a heartfelt sentiment.
Relax and enjoy the day safe in the knowledge you’ve given a best man speech fitting for the big man himself without letting him off too much.
If you are not already married – bear in mind it might be your turn next!
There you go gentleman, our top 11 tips on how to write a best man speech. Now go and smash it, and don’t forget to get the couple a suitably awesome wedding gift!
