“Marriage is not kick-boxing, it’s salsadancing.”
― Amit Kalantri
Ah the proposal. For the uninitiated, you may be wondering how to propose and what the best way to propose is? Well, clench your buttocks gentleman and take a deep breath as this is one of the most nerve-wracking moments of your long and winding wedding journey.
But never fear – provided you don’t trip and fall onto one knee with a ring unexpectedly in your hand, you can take the surprise out of it (from your side at least) with the help of a bit of pre planning. Our top tips on how and when to propose will guide you through the sticky first chapter of getting married.
Before we get into the nitty gritty, I’m writing this based on a few assumptions that would serve you well to adhere to, which are:
- You love your bride to be
- She loves you
- You’ve been dating/going out considerably more than 1 week – 6 months plus
- You are already fairly certain of the answer and/or you’ve taken so long to pop the question that the answer is a foregone conclusion
- You are not your bride to be’s stalker
All agreed? Good.
First of all, where should you do it? Bear in mind that this story will be recalled to all and sundry through the millenia – particularly if it is either a good or a bad one. And we all know which is going to be preferred by your – hopefully – wife to be.
“Yeah Dave proposed on Saturday night during the X Factor break, couldn’t really say no though could I!?” Yeah good one Dave, you’re areal hero.
A little effort here goes a long way. We’re not saying you have to whisk your beau to be off to Paris for a romantic weekend for the occasion (but if as the author did, you were going there anyway, it seems like a shame to waste the opportunity if you’re thinking along those lines!)
As far as proposals go, there are cliché ones (but not necessarily bad), romantic ones, surprise ones, mediocre ones and frankly, a bit crap ones. These may blend with the type of person you are. You want to be true to yourself in doing so, but we’ve heard of some particularly average efforts and who wants to be the guy that drops to one knee on a drizzly Saturday night at home and spits out, shall we do it then…? It’s good to have some sense of occasion to erm, mark the occasion.
Formalities – asking her father for her hand in marriage
This one is up to you. The age-old tradition to ask your bride to be’s father for her hand in marriage is a great way to start off on the right foot. This will depend how close you/she is to her dad, and if he is the type of chap that would like or expect this. Also, is this something you think she would appreciate? (If you think he’ll say no but are determined to propose anyway, you may want to skip this part altogether!)
If so, time your moment right – perhaps over a drink or two– when you are both in good spirits and you have a chance to have a quiet chat with minimal interruptions. Broach the subject carefully but confidently, say there’s something you’ve been meaning to ask him and off you go.
The main point here is to outline you have his daughter’s best interests at heart, that you will be there to support her and help achieve her hopes and aspirations to become the best she can be, and enforce that you are not a fly by night character. Get Dad on side and you’re off to a great start – don’t forget this may pay dividends when it comes to helping to pay for the big day later on.
When should you propose?
This is the big moment, so its important you get the timing right. This is going to be up to you to feel out, but it is important that you propose when you are both in a calm and happy state when you feel ready and not rushed. Considerations for this could include:
- Is there a particular date or anniversary that is special to you both? This could be the anniversary of when you both first met, a birthday or maybe if she’s a girl that loves Christmas find your moment then. Ideally before the drunken, comatose aftermath of an enormous Christmas dinner!
- Are you planning any special trips anywhere soon? This could be the perfect time if you have the idea of proposing in mind first. Great landmarks may be cliché (i.e. the top of the Eiffel Tower), but who cares? This is your moment so go for it. This may be extra special if there is something in particular she wants to go and see or do. Helicopter ride over the Grand Canyon? Check. A restaurant overlooking the sea after a great meal. Yes! Just make sure you leave yourself enough time to get the ring beforehand.
- Is there somewhere she’s always wanted to go or do? Such as a hot air balloon ride, climb a mountain or go to a particular landmark or country? This could be a great opportunity when deciding how to propose if she is already on a high from achieving an ambition or ticking something off the bucket list. Hell, top it off with a good proposal and its all gravy.
Whenever you choose, try to find a time when you can both be alone afterwards to reflect and enjoy the moment together. If you are away somewhere there may also be lots of phone calls to make so you may want a charged and in signal mobile ready to go!
Where should you propose?
This is probably the big one that will be remembered and will help to mark the occasion, so its worth putting a bit of thought in beforehand. Obviously you can do this anywhere, but ideally you want the moment and the atmosphere to be right. You probably want this to be somewhere comfortable and calm, without too many distracting noises or interruptions. Ideas to consider could be:
- Romantic places – consider somewhere with an amazing view, a particularly special meal or a special landmark.
- Special holidays – have you saved up to go somewhere special or is your other half madly in love with Disney or the outdoors. The trip to Disneyland or Vegas could be ideal and hits two birds with one stone!
- Special places – are there any favourite places she has or you both share? This could beat the top of a mountain, a particular city, a special beach or during a sunset. Somewhere may spring to mind straightaway, if not cast your mind back to anywhere she’s mentioned as a childhood favourite or somewhere memorable you have been together.
- Shared pleasures you have together – are you both outdoorsy types or love theme parks? Is there a hobby you enjoy together? This will certainly add the surprise element. Perhaps not in the car on the way home from your weekly badminton game – think more like your first marathon together or climb up a mountain.
Don’t forget to plan and book things ahead, if you are planning on proposing after a meal or in a certain place that requires tickets etc. Remember, it’s up to you to create the atmosphere and sense of occasion but be careful not to overcomplicate things. The more elements you have in play, the more that can go wrong. Trust yourselves gentleman, and you shall deliver.
How to propose?
Get ready for bended knee fella’s, for this is the moment of truth. Once you’ve decided when and where, consider how you are going to pop the question. This will be recalled many times in the future so its worth putting some thought into getting it right. Bear in mind this will be one of the most special and romantic moments of her life. Have your carefully hidden ring at the ready and read on for some inspiration:
- What do we all think of when proposing? Getting down on one knee of course! This is the traditional pose, going down on one knee, taking her hand in yours and asking her to marry you/give me the honour of being my wife etc. If done in a public place, bear in mind that once you go onto bended knee, all eyes will be on you! Everyone will be rooting for you but not everyone may enjoy the additional company during the moment of truth.
- Add something special. Fireworks in the background, a serenade from a band or Red Arrows fly past? These are the aspects that may blow your budget and are certainly not required but may be something you wish to add for that extra special sense of occasion if it’s your thing.
- Public or private? You will have to judge this from what you think she will like. It’s probably best to avoid the big screen at Wembley however some company in the background at a restaurant for example my not be a bad thing – and if she says yes – everyone will be chuffed to be part of the occasion with a round of applause likely. If she doesn’t like being the centre of attention or if she’s not a guaranteed yes, this may add a bit of pressure that she may not enjoy. This is best for you to judge.
- Produce the ring at the right time. Keep it hidden until you are down and asking the question to give your new sparkler maximum impact. You may want to hide it somewhere where she’ll find it herself to add that extra surprise, but we would advise avoiding putting it in anything edible which she may swallow. A cracked tooth may not go down well! Read our top tips for choosing the perfect ring here.
- Add some creativity. Again, this ones down to you if you would like to try something different to the traditional approach. Have ‘will you marry me’ iced on the top of a cake, have the letters traced across the sky by a plane or spelt out in a crossword. If this fits your personality and is something she’ll enjoy – go for it. Hopefully you will only do this once so by all means tie this in with your personality and the type of gent you are.
So there you have it. Consider these top tips before proposing and you’ll both be celebrating with a bottle of bubbles before you know it. Good luck gentleman, there may be tears and this will be a moment you wont forget. See you on the other side. Assuming she says yes, it will soon be time to start planning the day, lining up your best man and groomsman, and yes – planning the stag do!
